A Teacher’s Day In The Life (13): The “Budget” – Month One

Well, the budget is there.  It exists.  David and I are aware of its rigidity.  I have a pile of receipts on the kitchen counter.  The hardest part?  Entering the stupid receipts to track our spending!  Ah!

This is silly because it’s not hard.  It’s actually pretty easy, and it would probably take me all of five minutes to get it done – less if I was doing it on a daily or even a weekly basis.  I have no idea why this is such a struggle.  It’s like being on a diet or something.  You know what you need to do.  You have a plan and all the supplies.  You’ve stocked your fridge with healthy, easy snack and meal options.  But you swing through Taco Bell on your way home and enjoy a pint of Ben & Jerry’s for dessert.

Post 13

Again, I’m left wondering why I can’t seem to get my act together and just do it.  Plus at this point, there are no other options.  I have to manage our money; I have to stick to a budget and track our expenses.

Perhaps a part of me is acknowledging the fact that I still have one paycheck coming to me so the budget isn’t do-or-die yet.  But, logically, I know that’s dumb!  Waiting until I am no longer contributing financially to really dig into our budget is not smart and not helpful in the long run.  Or maybe I just want to ignore it all.  I don’t know.  Why is this so hard?

Here’s what I do know about myself: I work better under pressure, when there are deadlines and no gray areas.  Unfortunately, my husband is also a last-minute man, so there’s no balancing out there.  I often don’t get things done until I absolutely have to.  Other things get in my way, like watching Gilmore Girls, doing crafts and taking naps.  I much prefer those activities to grown-up life activities.

I feel like a lazy, inadequate member of the adult population.  Remember when all you had to worry about was homework and extracurricular activities?  I miss those days…

I know myself well enough to know that part of this struggle for me is a fear of failure.  When I feel overwhelmed, or even especially passionate about something, I avoid it because not trying is better than trying and failing.  I cannot go on like this for much longer.  Our budget isn’t like some dream I want to pursue or a new idea I’d like to try out.  Our budget has to be a part of our day-to-day lifestyle.  It’s a part of our home and our family.  It’s what will dictate our success and ability to live.

I need to get over my fears and just take care of business.  Easier said than done, I know.  Perhaps prayer is in order.  We’ll figure it out.  We can do hard things!